Wednesday, January 24, 2007

A Pleasant morning

The Sky is still grey and black, the ambiance is of a slight chill with pleasant winds hovering and howling up and down and sideways. As I stand on our terrace, waiting for the Sun God to sprinkle his warmth and divinity; I realize if there is heaven anywhere, its here - now at this moment. A sense of eternal bliss ran all over my body as I stand there, with the winds disheveling my hairs and giving me a sharp twitch in to my spine with every stroke.

The ambience is divinely calm and serene with a melodious and beautiful music, in the background of infinite birds with their chirping and flapping; getting off for a new day with a new hope and new strength. Slowly and gradually many white patches stated to appear in the sky and the visibility gets better and better as the Sun God finally kept aside his blanket and comes out of his deep somber.

The hushing and puffing of all the trees and bushes, the flocks of birds, the icy winds and the luminescence of Sun rays provided me a deep sense of satisfaction, strength and a strong drive force for me to start a new day, afresh- keeping all the past with its mistakes and foolishness aside and move on life…………………………

Monday, January 15, 2007

shari

Are jindagi jeene mai kya majha hai
ek bar mar kae to deko
Are pyaar karne mai kya majhe hai


Jindagi humeh kis mod pae lee jaa rahe hai
Jara jhank kae to dekho
Jara shanti to lo
Jara jati hui galliyon ko to dekho lo
Kya pata kal wapis aana padh jai
Aur fiza ka rukh, kal ulta hoooooooooooooo

Are kal ki chinta chod do
Kal kisne dekha hai
Kal jo hooga dekha jaeega
Jara ek baar aaj ka maja bhi lee lo

Jo gaya use jane do
Aur jo aa raha hai osse jara dekho to lo
Shayad jo hua aacha hi hua
Jindagi ko jindagi ki tarah jee kae to dekho

Are kyon ho itne khaffa jindagi sae
Ek paar jindagi see dosti kar kae to dekho
Kya pata andheri raato mai roshni aa gai
Kya pata veerane mai bhi haryali chaa jai

Kya pata kal ho na hoo
Kya pata kal jiye na jiya
Jo karna hai kar lo
Sayahad kismet aaj aakhri bar maharban hai……………

Sunday, January 14, 2007

harita

A serene smile on a very innocent face is the first image I got in my mind about Harita. She is the most beautiful part of my life. Even though she may not be with me now but she’s gonna be very close to me always. It was she who had defined me and inspired me to be something. It was her love for which I used to live and now without her I m no longer living; just existing- A fake and pathetic existence. I remember how much happy I used to be earlier, how by just hearing her sweet and childish voice all my senses used to get activated, how I was ready to give my life for just a mere look of her and used to do it many times……

It’s too painful for me to accept that: she is no longer mine, I can’t talk to her, can’t see her. Oh what the hell!

What’s so special about her that with her all my happiness and Strength had also left me? Why I m still looking for her everywhere? Why can’t I just forget her? Why can’t I move on?

She is the most precious gem I would ever come across. It was the simplicity and innocence of the way her eyes used to look at me, her cute face radiating a luminescence engulfing me wholeheartedly, her honey-sweet voice with sweetness of the whole world, her very delicate and caring nature, the gentle touch of her hands-overwhelming me, the closeness we used to feel with each other, all the commitments and love vouches we had made together, all the time we had spent together just staring into each other eyes and being alone in our separate wonderland; all the passionate kisses we had made, and the notion I had that she was mine………………………………..

Earlier i used to have the notion that: of all the person in the world she would always be with me no matter what happens, whatever be the circumstances, whatever may be the outcome of our action and she was mine. The notion was so rigid and so firm in my head and heart that for 2 years in just can't believe she is no more with me. Everyday i used think about her, about what i would say to her when we met again, about how much happy and thrilled she would be, seeing me after months.........

The notion was so strong that i didn't cared about anyone except her. I even fought and misbehaved infinite times with my family. How stupid and idiot i was? Now i just can't believe how for a cheap tramp i had done all those things. How naive i was in realizing the real person in her. Now i feel so much disgust and so much anger, not for her but for myself for what i was- that i cannot ever forgive myself for what i had done.

My real problem is not that she had dumped me, but its that- i m stuck in between two huge magnets and each one tearing away my body. On one side, i'm madly in love with her and other i just can't even think about her......



Saturday, January 13, 2007

Room-D312


My room was in the D-Wing of the boys Hall of Residence on the 2nd floor of the wing. It was on the top floor of the wing as the buildings cannot be of more than 2 floors.

This Room and Room No. gonna stay and linger a long time in my memory. I know within a mere few weeks after leaving the institute, I’m gonna start carve like hell for my room. This room has been everything for me for more for 3 and 1/2 years - Fucking 4 years. Things have changed so drastically during my stay here. Life has changed so much. Petrol used to Rs 32 per liter before coming here and now it’s around Rs 52. I had spend so much time in the room and learnt so much in the room that it would be a very difficult for me to leave the room. It’s the only place where I don’t have to pretend what I truly am. It’s only here, where I came to know to myself better and tasted absolute freedom and freedom. Its here only I formed the greatest bonds of friendship of my life. It’s from the room only I looked at the world and experienced it. To me, my room is the most sacred place in the insti and its will be my home forever; wherever may I be in the world.

To describe the room gonna be a bit tricky for me. A medium sized rectangular room, much like if we joins 3-4 compartments of a train boggy; with 2 single beds of plastic type special fiber, Two decent and spacious PC table with additional space and drawers with locks, (whom I never locked), Two chairs one for each and two sets of racks for each one of us on each side of the room directly opposite the door with a huge window in the middle with three partitions and without any grill. The amount of air which rushes into the room during windy days just overwhelms us. For each one, Separate almira is also provided on the two partition made by the door. The almira were made in the wall itself so moving them was never the issue (the only thing which remained in its place all 4 years). After sometime the insti also provided us with curtains for the windows. They were also made of some kind of plastic or fiber and sort of dirty milky white in appearance and rough in texture. They design, quality and the color was really too awful and very appalling mismatch for the room and the overall infrastructure of the hostels. I don’t get to know which one of the idiotic and fool administrative guy, has ordered them? and how the insti allowed it? My roomy had brought the curtains with him and so we used them. There were two tube lights on the two side of the room, again one for each. And one common fan. One fan was enough for the room as the room are not very spacious and only as my room was in the 2nd floor did we used to feel the need for something better during summers, but all the others floors were quite comfortable. Near the racks, few sockets were provided for pc and also for connecting LAN. The Walls were white washed with some mild cracks here and there and the floor was of quota stone.

I don’t think, the things we are so used to do in our room and consider them as normal, we’ll be able to do and enjoy them ever again. Things like sleep at anytime (generally after morning breakfast) and just sleep without any botherations and tension (minimum 10 hrs and believe me 14 hrs is a very normal figure with most of the guys), Smoke infinitely and without any fear and drink also as we like. There was just absolute freedom being imparted to us. There was no one to watch us, control us or to stop us from experiencing life the way we wanted. There were just no rules, no guidelines and no laws. As there was no senior in our wing and all the rooms were occupied by ppl of my batch -- the “Senior-Junior” issue was never raised. There had been infinite sessions of movies many times alone and many times in groups. I remember very correctly me making a full semester break of 10 days into a movie bonanza with 3 shows everyday. In DAIICT LAN there are more than 200 good movies are share always and so I copied all and made a good movie fare. Watching American series are also one of the favorite time pass of us. I had once watched a series named “Smallville” which has 5 seasons that time with each season containing 24 episodes and each episode was of 42 min, in just 7 days; straight 7 dazs, no lectures, no labs, no studying just sleeping, watching and eating. Watched all the seasons of friends, Lost, Prison Break, How I met ur Mother, Joey, Kyle, House etc etc and the list is to much……..

The condition of my room generally tends to be on the messy side and credit goes to both me and my roomy. We usually used to be very lazy abt keeping our stuff at their places and all my stuff like cloths, books, novels, dictionary and me used to occupy the bed together. We used to be so lazy that even f any of our cloths used to fell from the bed; we never bent and picked it up. We used to pick it up only when we needed it to wear it. Newspapers used to be all over the room and in every shape they can take. The room is decorated with many-many cigarette stubs and empty cigarette boxes. Only once a month or two we used to clean the room and in just 2-3 days the condition gets back to normal. Most of our stuff was very carefully placed and on our hands reach; so that we don’t have to move to far from our bed. Even though we always keep 2 bottles for water, we use them only during summers and all the other time they are just thrown on the floor and let them take their place on the room. We both are also great animal lover so we always welcomed spiders and their cowebs along with all other kind of bugs--who used to demand equal share in the room. We used to keep all our foot wears in the space between the beds because of easy accessibility of them from there. No need to keep them under the bed and bend and get them next time! Too much pain for both of us. All our daily itineraries are placed just near our PC again for accessibility issue. Who will open the drawer of the cupboard every time and for every small thing?

Consider the scenario of our room when I was writing this blog:

The Window is closed and curtains are unfolded over the window. My PC table is just infront of the window, horizontally and covering the whole window. Rommy’s PC table nears mine but vertically and ½ m from his side racks. Both the CPU are open from both sides and the side part of cabinets lying somewhere on the ground. Mine has just started working after the harddisk crash in my PC and Roomy’s PC dead due to overheat and is very injured as all his vital organs (parts) being used by other people CPU’s. Me using his LAN Card and LAN Cable, Jainey using his RAM, Pamba using his USB Mouse. His CPU is lying flat on the table with no sign of life and every transistor of both the CPU’s is clearly visible. On my PC Table there also is the messy speaker with a big and entangled web of wires , an empty cigarette box, a Mirror with support of wall, a pair of combs, an Axe Powder box, Deo Spray, Wings of fire-autobiography of APJ KALAM, A mug for drinking something (Roomy’s) and my Specks. Roomy’s Table totally devastated and ruined and like a collapsed building with pc and a broken speakers and its wires, a pile of books and papers , lock, Toolbox, a broken speck, hair cream and more books on the top of dead CPU. Cuming to my bed, in which my bed sheet as normal- is straying half on air and occupying only the half of the bed. The other half is occupied by all sorts of things. 2 pillows-one leaning against the wall and other lying horizontally over the pile of cloths and bed-sheets; A shawl and a blanket spread over the bed in an haphazard way (I usually used to left it the way it was when I wake up), Few thick books and novels, today’s paper (generally used to be of minimum 7-10 days, paper started only today), my towels, woolens and more than 50 % of cloths (all ready to use). My roomy is sleeping so he is on his bed. I our room we had 3 chairs. Actually my roomy’s cousin who was also student here left one chair to my roomy while he left and on two chairs are my roomy’s cloths and the heap is as tall as can be sustainable on the chairs. All my roomy’s cloths. One chair is placed in the space between the two beds and other near my almira. One extra bed is also near my almira and where one of the chair is placed and its just dumped there as there was no place in the room to accommodate such a big stuff. On the space between the beds my roomy’s suitcase is also placed and he used to take out cloths from it and wear it as he has no space in his almira to keep them. My almira is open as usual. Some empty plates, some old cloths and some shoes are gallantly occupying the little space left in between my bed and my almira and same is with my roomy’s. Cigarette buds and half burnt matchsticks are in every corner of the room with many papers and bits of papers on the ground. I’m sitting infront of my pc just in line of widow and a bit on the front side in the space between the beds……………

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

i wanna be me

I want to be me
I want to be me
I don’t wanna go nywhere
I don’t wanna be someone else
I want to be me


I can’t be this and that
I can’t do this and that
I can’t pretend to be this and that
I just can’tI want to be me


I’m not gonna change
I’m not gonna adjust
I just don’t care
I just don’t give a f***

I’m very simple
I’m very casual and lazy
I’m very easy going
And I love being myself


Plz don’t make idiotic expectations
I’m not worthy of them
I’m not gonna do what u say
Its not stubbornness
It's just who I am

It’s my Country
It’s my home
Don’t try to change it
Don’t mess it up………………

I beg u, give me
Some space
Some time
Some freedom
Some honesty
Some humanness

I want to be me
I want to be me

LALA

Guptaji kae baree mai kya kahon

Banda bilkul Mast hai...
Khaa-pee ki bindass majee mai hai
Banda up to the neck full of fun and frolic hai
Faltu ki tension inke liye disjoint set hai
Wing ka sab kuch inka hai
aur jo inka hai woh to inka hai hi
Room kae darwaje humeha khulle rahte hai
par yeah usme kabhi kabhi hi milte hai
Adhiktar samay janta ji bhalai mai lage rahte hai...
aaj kal mera aur mere roomy ki bhali kar rahe hai
Samaj sewa hi inka param dharm hai
aur jeevan ka lakash hai

Guptaji Batch kae NETA
Guptaji Batch kae JAN
Guptaji Batch ki Shaan
Guptaji ka style
Guptaji ka elegance
Guptaji ki diplomacy
Guptaji ka chanchal-Maan
Guptaji ki bakar
Guptaji ka TT Racket Swing
Guptaji ka Badi Smash
Guptaji kae pille(juniors)
Kae to hum hi kya pura college FAN hai

2 line arj karta hoon
Neeche see gaya kutta,
upar see aaya Gupta

lakin Lala is of a very good quality, a real hybrid and perfect blend of west and east....
A real Royal guy and a kool guy to hang out and njoy.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

She

She, is so simple, so pure, so delicate, so divinely beautiful, so Serene ..................
ohhh God! She's gone. I don't know how the past 40 hrs had passed? Time appeared to have got some super speed and strength and traveled with infinite pace-leaping hours in seconds and dazs in minutes. And I'm trying to catch a few glimpses of her sometime here-sometime there.

Today, for first time I felt some closeness and a sense of understanding. Today for the first time I saw her being angry at me. May be its the occasion or something else AND may be not..........

I know I always cross the boundary of decency and do idiotic things, but how to cajole myself that that star is not mine is my problem? Her slenderness, her elegance, her poise, her cute smile, those squinted eyes, those sharp and thin curvilinear eyebrows, and complexion of an angel and now her pics which I had captured on the occasion have made a place very deep inside my heart.

So what if she is away from me? So what if I can’t talk to her? SO what if she didn’t like me?

Liking some one is a very strange human emotion. It really hurts and it hurts pretty badly. But still we do it everyday and day after day. Today after our small chat I was having very mixed feelings. Talking with her for 5-10 minutes is very good on one hand and also very sad as even 5-10 years are less for me ……

I am trying to adjust and to console myself but I know my efforts are all gonna be in vain. No matter how hard I try and suppress my feelings for her, I will never be able to cut her out of myself. It may be the last time I meet her but her reminiscence always gonna stay and be with me……

I have only my Best Wishes while biding adieu to her............