Wednesday, October 18, 2006

why??

What should I do?
How to know what to do?
How should I do it?
How to know what I like?
And dislike!.......................

Things are so messy….
Life is so sulky…

Y ‘m I so pissed off?
Y everything is falling apart?
Y there is only darkness?
What happened to all the light sources?
Why there is so much fear and weakness….
Y’m I here and what I m doing?
Things are so messy….
Life is so sulky…


Is there any hope?
Is there is any god?
Is there any solution?
Is there any end?
Things are so messy….
Life is so sulky…

Y is everyone angry at me?
Y I m angry at everyone?
Y there is so much pain and helplessness?
Y there is so much complications?
Is there any solution?
Life is so messy….
Life is so sulky…

Y even after trying so much I fail?
Y others succeed?
Y while others r having fun and I m miserable?
Y everyone have friends and I have none?
Y everywhere is joy and alacrity and I m suffering?
Things are so messy….
Life is so sulky…

Y everything is so pure?
Y I m so impure?
Y everyone is so rich?
Y I m so poor?
Y everyone is so satisfied and contend?
Y I m so unsatisfied?
Life is so messy….
Life is so sulky…

Y everyone’s doing so much?
Y everyone has something to do?
Y I m sitting alone and doing nothing?
Y I m so inactive?
What m I looking for?
Y there is no one to help?
Life is so messy….
Life is so sulky…

So where does all this end?
In this world or another?
Y I like this?
Y r others like this?
Will I be always like this?
Will others be always like this?
I want to cry….
I want to laugh…….
I want to enjoy……
I want to work……
I want to love….
I want to be loved……
I want to have passion…….
I want to have fun…….

Will I ever achieve this?????????

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

College Dazs

college dazs
college dazs

dazs of fun and sorrow
dazs of excitement and anxiety
dazs of innumerable hrs of sleep
dazs without any tension………….
Dazs with and without exams…..
Dazs where passing the exams matter very little and flunking is more fun
Dazs of uncontrolled frenzy of games and powerplay
Dazs of nightouts and dormant afternoon
Dazs where morning occurs after 4:00 Pm and evening at 6:00 Am
Dazs where no day passes when we haven’t curse the college administration
Dazs where we never ate without cursing the cook…
Dazs of uncontrolled fun and amity (even with flora and Fiona of institute)
Dazs of high Jinks on hostel corridor and hazy morning after boozing all night on hostel terrace…………..
Dazs of feeling very great after attending lectures after months…lol
Dazs of ragging juniors and feeling like the don of the institute
Dazs of lamenting about abysmal and Byzantine course and profs
Dazs of umpteen cigarette and smoke …..
Dazs of sitting with whole group and killing time….
Dazs of happy and sad and neither sad nor happy dazs
Dazs of unnecessary debates, bickering and sledging
Dazs of slovenly and indolence
Dazs of learning and experimentation
Dazs of doing all except what being told to do in lab…
Dazs of orkutting and playing in labs and pissing off the TA’s and lab Assistants
Dazs of waking 10 minutes before exam and scurrying through the course notes…
Dazs of brethren and synergy and juggling
Dazs of being frenetic and obnoxious and chaotic
Dazs of TV serials and movies
Dazs of going to interview and gabbling
Dazs of doing bhangra on navrati and on DJ Nights
Dazs of learning the technicality of Cut-Copy and Paste
Dazs of going to labs 10 minutes before and arguing with TA for attendance
Dazs of proxies and sleeping in class with eye half open….
Dazs of studying with girl friend in library when we want to do everything except studying

college dazs
college dazs

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Pune trip

Around 1:00 Am I reached Pune station. I got down and looked for my friend. After sometime he came and I felt a bit relief as I had no clue what I would do if he didn’t show up.

Coming from a small town Bhilai I had very small idea of the outside world. I expected things and people as quite simple and easy going. And this being the first encounter was a very enriching and amazing experience. So, I get down to a sleepy platform of Pune with lot of excitement and thrill and eyes wide open.

And the fun had began as soon as I got there. We hugged and chatted for a while. The first thing I wanna do was after 20 hrs of journey was to smoke. Man, I was dying out of carving. Being in DA-IICT for a sem and smoking 8-10 cigarette every day I was too addicted to them. My friend Anup asked me would I would like to go to the disco?

Yaa man….. would love to. I replied grinning. So we rush to the discothèque in his CBZ. The great Pune city litted with myriad street lights, easy traffic and cool breeze of night was very exhilarating and soothing. We stuffed my luggage in one of his friends home and went straight to move our asses in flashing lights and in very very high volume of music which most of the people have no idea. I had never been to a discotheque before and only seen and heard about it. I expected a lot of white chicks with minimal and hip clothing, partly drunk and partly high. I expected a huge euphoria in the place. And the place really rocks. Even though it was a decent disco, I was immediately flattered. The room was decent sized divided mainly in three sections. In the middle it had a bar where the sonsofBitches sells booze at atleast 3-times the rate. On one side it had lounge and some sitting arrangement and on other the disco floor. There were several huge speakers on the room around 8-10 pumping out enormous amount of deafening music which can event sets a deaf feet to rock’nRoll. The place was not very crowded as there are infinitely many such cool places in Pune. On one side my friend’s friends were enjoying and we went to them and done the formal introductions. There were 2 chicks with them and out of which one was very cute and beautiful and other to me resemble more of a kind of metropolis bitch and tramp. She respelled Deepak as if she had never knows any one with that name. Anywaz the party had began. We grabbed one-one bottle of chilled kingfisher bear and started rolling over asses. This being my first time and with a bunch of people, whom name I had forgotten as soon as the other guy told his name and 2 chicks (I know that’s not a huge stats but for a starter is a big thing), I felt very awkward. Bhai, me being a desi guy, only knowing “Amitabh bachan and dharma pagi” style of free dancing felt a bit tense. I know if I start enjoying we would certainly be thrown out of the place. So with caution, I danced and drank slowly. In the end, it was very fine and enjoyable experience. We reached home back at around 5:00 in the morning and felt too tired and slept all over each other.


The next day I woke up when my friends placed a cigarette on my mouth. They had hired a guy who used to live with them and do all their work. He was the cook, cleaner, the laundry man and many more. The first thing to do in the morning was to smoke as much as I can until my lungs give up. We ate heavy breakfast and I being habitual to a sleep of 14-16 hrs of sleep went to sleep again. Infact sleeping was a very important part of my journey otherwise how could I spent 8 days in a city like Pune.

Then in the evening we went out for dinner in a cozy restaurant outside the town. There was a very strange and unexpected incident which happened with me there. On my second day of trip I was saving and one of Anup’s friend stated shouting: He can’t find his money and someone took them. And within minutes the discussion became heated. They all rushed to the room and checked everywhere. After some time one of the friend who was outside and told he had taken some money from his purse but remaining he had no idea. I also thought of check my purse, just for being safe. To my utter bewilderment my purse which used to have more than 400 Rs was now empty. OMG!. And I called Anup and explained to him the situation. He knew I had 400 rs in purse and I m not lying.

There were some suspicious creatures in the flat and there was a servant guy. The incident was also a shock for all of them also. Rightly so if anyone comes to ur house and is something is stolen from him, u ought to feel embarrassed. Someone them became very angry and called the servant guy who bluntly refused to seen the money forget taking it. And the guy had just cleaned the room 20 minutes ago, so most of the suspicion gone on him only. In the end nothing came out and I lost 400 Rs on the first day, even before the fun began. I had bought only 1500 with me and 400 are lost in 1 day and my mind was buzzing abt how I would survive in the coming 7 weeks.


The next 4 – 5 days very very fun and the best part of the 1st sem vacation. We enjoyed thoroughly, made many trips around the city, seen a lot of chicks and wasted several hrs just smoking and chatting in some shade around the city. Infact in 7 dayz I had smoked around 100 cig. There were few place which I already had in mind I want to see. The first was to see the BVP college of science at Pune.


On the Fourth day we stated for the BVP. BVP was on the outskirt of the city and was around 12-15 km from our residence. The atmosphere was quite hot and humid and with the burst of traffic Anup got a bit irritated. Also, he had no interest in seeing the college and its only becoz I asked him he came. The incident happened on one traffic signal where Anup broken the traffic signal and taken the bike zooming while the red signal was on. Immediately the Pune police got on action. On the rear mirror we can see the police man following us. It resembled much like a movie scene. We being on the CBZ raced through clearly beating the Traffic policeman very behind. After sometime when we can’t find him following, we stopped for our cigarette break and smoked and calmed our self. And again began and we had gone around a KM more and very near to the BVP gate suddenly out of nowhere the police caught us. I mean it was around half hr before we had broken the rule and them he missed us, we stopped and had a cigarette and are so near the gate and this policeman! I am still very confused how did he find us? But, the Indian police are “True Indians” by its very Nature. Their sole aim is welfare of the people. And they follow a very general philosophy which is stamped out on all of them in whatever training they get. Right from top to the bottom a very special talent is being imbibed on them. I personally fell in a very strict sense that -we are a very large part of it. And that is cooperation: I will scratch yours back and u will scratch mine. Whatever rules u break or not break they will start from a fixed rate ie Rs 500/- and nothing else. They will pretend very serious and strict and appear very busy. They give u angry looks and a blunt and horrible lecture on driving and lifestyle. The people also have cracked them and give standard answer that they don’t have 500 Rs. So what can be done? We also had done the same. He told him that we had a examination in the BVP and that’s why we had rushed and please forgive us. But they won’t accept anything unless they had been shown some Gandhiji’s pictures. They will steadily reduce their rate and will come down to even low of Rs 10. Finally Anup gave him 50 Rs and he let us fee.

DA-IICT – A World class Institute; IIT++


A world class institute, IIT++, excellent, all foreign return faculty, state of the art hostel and canteen Good placement and unlimited opportunities for achieving excellence……..

Those were the few words and description about our beloved institute which generated for some a strong pull and for some others it was their last option (I mean among the good ones) and brought us to the gates of DA-IICT. Whatever be the individual reasons may be, but ultimately we all have embraced the institute and the institute us. After spending three years at the institute I, now began wondering sometimes weather I had done right in choosing DA-IICT. Was it the correct decision? Undoubtfully this period of college life in many sense (and important ones) defines and shapes a persons personality, perspective and ideology. Have done all what I want to do? Have I realized my true potential and value? Does I am exposed to all the possibilities of life other than mugging books? Was it my fault? Or the system is flawed? Surly every coin has 2 sides, so does this……….

Also, recently after reading a master piece book “IITians” by “Sandipan deb”, an ex-IITians I very strongly feel that I m missing a lot of what I had expected and dreamed of earlier. Things are not quite as simple and easy going as I had expected. I am not complaining about our DA-IICT system as being a student as I would never be satisfied with the policies of the institute. Very frankly, honestly and with loads of confidence I can say that the best place in the world is our DA-IICT campus. But there had been some experiences in the past 3 years which had made my very sad and unhopeful. I am accepting that I haven’t done very well, neither on academics nor in extra-curricular and certainly the institute can’t be blamed for my failures, mistakes and frustration.

Nowadays, there is lot of hue and cry going on the institute about the social conduct and what students do in their hostel. The list of “Do’s and Don’t Do’s” is increasing every day. Every now and then we find that our student dean or warden striding down the hostel wing with a diary (black book!) at 2:00 Am. That’s preposterous. The reason they give us that they had come to chat with the students. But in reality (atleast, what appears to me) that they had come to satisfy their ego. Both our dean and warden are ex-IITians with tons of experience of student life. They come and leave with a list of students caught smoking and drinking. Purpose achieved.

I can’t comprehend this behavior of our faculty. The same goes with the ragging stuff. Even though DA-IICT does some really great shit and fuck in the name of ragging, the punishment are no less than of criminal offence. From my past experience I can surely say: I m even afraid even to ask a juniors name. The warden had given them the absolute power to even refuse to tell their name. If someone forces them, all they have to do is to just give a call to the warden and he will come furious and fuck all the seniors.

I didn’t understand this paranoia of our warden. I mean it’s absolutely fine that - ragging should not be done and the ambience of the hostel should be friendly and helpful. But do in reality such environment exist anywhere? Not only in hostel wings but even in industry? The hostel life is the most important part of the Eng. Education. Its here where student learn where he/she stands, come face to face with reality, and the real challenges of life. It’s the youngness, creativity and a quest of experimentation which gives it the special place it has. Its here only where students come to know themselves, others and even the outer world from inside only! It’s the freedom which hostel gives to the student which builds the character out of him. The freedom that no body is watching him, no one is stopping him to follow his heart and purse what he really wants. Eng. is not about mugging all the high Tech fundas, formulas and big theories. It’s not about only getting A’s and B’s and licking the Profs Ass. It’s a much more of a complete package. A package which provides a student a mandatory ingredient necessary to compete among peers, stress management, perfection, excellence, a spirit of competition and conquer the world. It’s the package which opens the portal of wisdom in front of every student. Basic components in this package are freedom, innovativeness, experimentation, self knowledge, confidence and an exposure to real life. Is DA-IICT providing all this?

Sadly, with the entire faculty interfering too much the hostel life is messing the whole system of student development. I remember the first thing I noticed about our institute is the freedom it gives to it institute. Now I m afraid even to smoke a single cigarette in the hostel! I remembered once when I was caught the warden told me he is afraid even to talk to me as I might affect his health. Why is there is much fuzz about such petty things when there are so many other stuff being locked up in the closet.Infact we can’t even have high volumes of our speakers in the hostel as we might disturb our neighbors. There will always be some who will “Chicken out” by ragging, become depressed (and suicide is no part of it). But that’s the point I want to emphasize that it all depends upon the student to develop from this one. Life is a double edge sword and in any case one has to walk through it. The earlier we learn to endure and embrace it- the easier it will be for us in the forthcoming years.